I’m Sorry Neil Gaiman

Dear Mr. Gaiman,

I hope this message finds you well.

As one of the co-hosts of the Drunk on Books podcast, I am writing to tell you that we discussed one of your books, American Gods, on an episode that will be released on July 25, 2016. To this note, I must also apologize to you in advance. First, let me say that we absolutely loved this book. In fact, we spent over an hour talking about how much we enjoyed reading it. I know that we also spent time discussing how much we appreciate you as an author and how excited we are for the upcoming show on Starz. However, indeed, we must apologize because we were out of control.

I must be honest with you Mr. Gaiman. I do not remember recording this episode. LoLo and I decided to meet in person to record this episode, and as such, we had many drinks, including several ginger beers with whiskey in my case, before we began. We were just so excited about this book that we may have had too many libations. It happens, you know?

In terms of the actual content of the podcast, we do not talk about technical writing components, or grammar of American Gods. LoLo and I both firmly agree that is not our ministry. Instead, we have a simple conversation about the books. Keeping it 100 with you sir, we discuss the book by using the most hood terms possible.

There’s Player’s Club references, highly crude and vulgar language, slang terms, even impromptu musical selections. We do casting calls where we try to convince our audience that Justin Bieber is really The Technical Boy, and we attempt to explain the interlude with Bilquis by using colorful visuals from the movie Anaconda with Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube. I think at one point, I even compare certain parts of the book to the “Contagious” short film aka music video featuring Ron Isley aka Mr. Biggs and R. Kelly. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. It’s a black classic.

Mr. Gaiman, I struggled with whether or not I should reach out to you about our upcoming episode. It’s because I’m sure that you never intended your book to be understood, let alone explained, in this way. However, I do see some merits in our discussion of your book in this way. Not only is it infinitely hilarious to anyone who can keep up with our many inside jokes, but it opens your novel up to an entirely different audience. It allows them to understand your novel in a new way, and that’s always great, right?

In closing sir, I’m sorry that I took your wonderful book and turned it into an hour of the most inappropriate discussion on any literary work that I’ve had in my entire life. This is including a discussion that I had about any of the Zane Sex Chronicles that I had with my girls. I hope that our episode does not offend you. Please understand that it was not our intention. We genuinely love this book and we absolutely cannot wait until the show starts on Starz next year. Above all else sir, we want you to know that we appreciate you as an author and a human being. The fact that you refused to allow producers or the television network to change the race/ethnicity of any of your characters is really inspiring to us.

Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to read my heartfelt apology. I hope it touches the soft spot you have in your heart for your fans because at the end of the day that’s all we are; fans, albeit crude and out of control ones.

 

Sincerely,
Valkyrie

 

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